If you're a cannabis connoisseur on any level—and anywhere near the DC area—I hope that you're familiar with Top Secret DC. If not, now would be a really good time to hit them up. Typically when I review their flower gifts, the particular strain in question has a tendency to do three things: 1). Make it onto my top three list for sativa, hybrid, or indica. 2). Make its way to into my personal coffers by the zip. 3). Sell out pretty much the same day my review is published. As I write this, there are three superstar strains on their menu and, after publishing this one, two of them I will have reviewed with full marks. So you could say that now might be the best chance to get ahold of some of their (absolute) fire before it's gone. So what's up with the Miracle Whip? A three-way cross of Cookies and Cream x Starfighter x Colombian, she runs slightly indica, and packs a uniquely calming, yet heady and creative high. The aroma and flavor is super sugary, creamy, and sweet with woody, skunky undertones. Rare, exotic, and delicious: this is a true find my friends! The avalanches of trichomes are super fresh and the texture is still soft and highly sticky. When you break it up, your hands will start to stick to everything in a strangely sugary way - perhaps not unlike the hands of a seven year old after eating a ton of whipped cream atop a piece of sweet apple pie. Which begs the question: Do they call it Miracle Whip because you need a miracle to get it off your fingers? 😂 Honestly, the real miracle here is that it's not sold out by the time you request it. So, I encourage you to waste no more time, and give the fantabulous Top Secret DC a shout ASAP!

Hey Tokers, let’s make our dentists work for their money! We all know that candy rules, and sugar is delicious. If I’m not careful, I’ll eat candy til my tongue is blistered and I’ve entered into some sugar induced quasi-masochistic hallucinatory state. So, when DC local i71 compliant provider DMV Organics gifted me these sour gummy bears and sour gummy worms, I tried to play it cool. I was pretending like everything was alright, but the ravenous candy beast that lurks within me was howling into the air, demanding sugary goodness! Who am I to deny my baser impulses? As a lifelong lover of Sour Patch Kids and anything tart or sour, I was beyond excited to take these gummies for a test drive. Blood sugar levels be damned! Most Tokers know that the experience you get from eating edibles can be very different from inhaling cannabis. Eating cannabis edibles yields a longer-lasting high and often gives a more intense, full-body, potentially psychoactive effect. I’m not a doctor, so I encourage you to experiment responsibly. Eating cannabis products may affect you differently than what you’re used to from inhalation, so be careful, especially if you’re thinking about venturing out into the world and moving about by some form of locomotion (Editor’s Note: TG never advocates driving under the influence. Rule of thumb: if you’re going to get high, just don’t drive!) An individual’s age, body weight, and metabolic rate, as well as what they’ve eaten or drank throughout the day can all factor into a Toker’s edible adventure! Some Tokers report feeling a high from a dose as low as 3mgs of THC, yet there are edibles available at literally hundreds of times that dosage. A wise Toker once told me, “you can always eat more, but you can’t un-eat it!” So, try a wee bit and wait an hour and see how you feel! The Sour Gummies come in two different formats and dosages. Sour Gummy Bears are 15mgs per Bear, and the Sour Gummy Worms are 75mgs per Worm. I’m a man of science, dear Tokers, and I’m here for you! I tried each gummy from a maddeningly sober baseline so that I could accurately tell you what to expect. I’ve learned that 50mgs is my line in the sand, if you will; I can consume anything up to 50mgs and be fine. Anything beyond 50mgs, and I’m gonna be pretty lit - you DEF won’t see me operating heavy machinery (bikes, scooters, Power Wheels included). I really enjoyed the Sour Gummy Bears! At 15mgs of THC per bear and five bears per package, I found that I could comfortably micro-dose and really exert some control over my experience. I love low-dose edibles because they allow the Toker to kind of play around and get a feel for tolerance and dosing. Eating two Sour Bears at once had me feeling fantastic within the hour, but not incapacitated. The Sour Gummy Worms are for real. At 75 msg per worm with three worms per package, these Worms came to work! Have you ever sung ridiculous songs to your dog? That’s how high I was. I sang my dog’s life story to my dog, and he seemed to enjoy it! I know I had a blast at least. Since both of the Sour Gummies are made with local high-quality organic distillate, there’s virtually no cannabis flavor whatsoever. These gummies are so tasty, they’re dangerous! My love of sour candy was almost my undoing, as I just wanted to eat all of them immediately. Organic and free of high fructose corn syrup and gluten, DMV Organics is able to accommodate dietary restrictions and requirements based on order volumes, so if you’re looking for something specific don’t hesitate to reach out!

Hello, fellow Tokers! When DC I-71 vendor Top Secret DC gave us a call on the Toker Line and asked if we could review a slew of their awesome new concentrates in a single post, we were not only up to the challenge, we were stoked AF. I mean it's not everyday that such a wide variety of some of the finest concentrate in the world just falls into your lap. Whether it's diamonds, terp sauce, sugar, shatter, badder, rosin, or live resin you're after, you can pretty much find it all in the DC I-71 scene. However, many times, the quality can be somewhat less than desired. If you feel this way, or if you're like us and you're just an outright stickler for quality in general, then allow me to present the following for your consideration: Juice House 7Star Rosin To catch you all up to speed, rosin is made using a lot of heat and pressure to squeeze the resin from buds (or kief, trim) in a solventless manner. When done right, it will have the terpene profile from the original input with all the great flavor, aroma, and entourage of effects. In this case, it's likely that the rosin was made from some of the finest kief (hence the "7star" rating). The flavor is out of this world, and upon exhale, you immediately know you're in for something more intense than usual. The effects hit you super quick, super hard, and rush right to your forehead through your face. Full of euphoria and long-lasting, be prepared to vegetate on this one for a while. Maybe throw on some great holiday movies and avoid the fam for while? Careful though, if your tolerance isn't high, your little cousins might start wondering what's wrong with you when you raid the fridge with reckless abandon less than an hour after dinner. "Nug-run" Solvent-less Shatter As the name implies, this is "shatter"—though very different than what you might typically find as shatter—made solely from the nug, or buds, of a fine cannabis harvest. The result is quite close to live resin, just not cryogenically frozen prior to pressing. So, technically, you might lose a bit of the cannabinoids, but you still get some tremendously delicious, fresh and gassy concentrate that's just perfect for dabbing. This one is made from fresh-cut Gorilla Poundcake (indica-leaning) and you can totally taste the (nom nom nom) freshness! Of course this one isn't quite as strong as the previous "7star" but it's certainly very pure/high quality and an immensely enjoyable experience. It is a little easier to hang around those not in the know with this concentrate on-board at a holiday gathering, but the issue for me became the overt cottonmouth and need to steadily have a drink in my hand (not really a major issue though, right?). Northern Lights X White Widow Sugar Wax Running highly pure, sugar wax is refined in much the same way as sugar from sugarcane: with heat purging and vacuuming designed to spawn crystallization. Even though this type of concentrate has such a pure, sugary texture, it is still able to retain the terpene profile, and thus, is exceptionally delicious AND strong. Obviously, this is no surprise to those with exposure to the flavor heavyweight input varietals, Northern Lights X White Widow. An advantage of this format that cannot be overlooked is that it's easy to work with nature. The crystals break up easily and scoop seamlessly into whatever bucket or device you like without a mess. This holiday season, if you're in need of carrying an epic buzz through the "merriment" abounding across Zoom channels galore, then think about doing a holiday concentrate sampler by getting all three of the aforementioned and keeping the dab rig just off-screen nearby. Holler at Top Secret DC today to make it happen!

Cheers to the budtenders over at Baked DC for this potent and extremely pungent batch of Gorilla Cake. She's an indica dominant hybrid and she packs a heavy-handed euphoric buzz that makes you want to Netflix and chief all day. She's just perfect for a chilly fall Sunday. This one's buds are fluffy but still dense. Trichomes are heavily clustered, of quite amazing size, and starry. This is because it was harvested at the perfect peak and cured to utter perfection. When it comes to aroma, she's got enough to fill the room with earthy, sour, piny, and sweet aromas inherited from its parent strains, Gorilla Glue #4 and Wedding Cake. Flavor profile is rich with a sweet, piny, cake-like mouth. Perhaps also a hint of chocolate in the after taste? In comparison to our recently reviewed Platinum Glue, the Gorilla Cake is quite a bit sweeter whereas the other was more sour. The Platinum Glue also had more sativa oriented effects than the Cake, with the latter being more mellow and relaxing. Newbies: this one is powerful. If you have important things to do, good chance it's going to be difficult to get them done. On the other hand, if you want to rest, recover, and/or re-energize, this is quite possibly the perfect strain. If that sounds like what you're looking for we recommend you schedule an appointment with Baked DC and check her our for yourself asap!

Can't say enough about this Jet Fuel Gelato from our friends over at Baked DC. It's a mega strong strain that has tested as high as 29% THC in recent lab tests. She's a hybrid cross of Jet Fuel G6 with the notorious Gelato45 and these stellar genetics are very clear from the first whiff. The aroma is extremely pungent and exotic in nature. There's the ever present diesel, fuel-like smell combined with something sweet, but not fruity. The taste is a sweet, robust, almost doughy flavor, with a piney after taste. This batch felt very sativa heavy at first, with an uplifting and euphoric buzz. The initial rush soon faded to a more dreamy and relaxed, but highly functional, state. Overall, it ends up being quite well-balanced and good for morning/daytime. I actually hit it in the vape, slammed a cold-pressed juice shot (chased w/ water) and went for a 5 mile run this morning. During the run I was definitely high energy and in the zone. Afterwards, I was in a warm glow of calm as I recovered. Visually, this strain is quite unique and exotic looking. Her greens are both light and dark with tinges of purple throughout (though hard to portray accurately in the photo below). The trichomes are very starry, size-able, and amber-hued under magnification - all indicators of an expert cultivation and cure. From a connoisseur perspective, this one makes the collection for being great eye-candy, possessing an exotic nose/flavor, and having dynamically powerful effects. If you haven't had Jet Fuel Gelato we highly recommend you schedule an appointment with the friendly and knowledgeable people over at Baked DC as soon as possible!

Ok, so I was half tempted not to do this review so I could ensure that this Platinum Gelato from Top Secret DC would stick around long enough for me to get seconds, maybe even thirds? I'm all about this batch. Combining to make this out-of-this-world, balanced 50/50 hybrid strain possible are Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies (GSC) and Sunset Sherbet. As you can probably guess, the taste is unbelievably delectable - an outright gourmet experience. It's so utterly savory, complexly sweet, and delightfully skunky all at the same time! You may have seen other versions of platinum gelato on menu's elsewhere and passed over it. This one grabs you visually, not to mention from an olfactory perspective, and right away you can tell it's on another level. It's trichomes are hyper-white, the coloration is exotic with purples, blues, and myriad greens strewn throughout. Its structure is overflowing with fluffiness and it's impossibly sticky. The cultivator gets full marks on this one guys - 100% A+ When it comes to effects, she's right in the middle but with a smudge more energy than a true 50/50. She's also the kind that as soon as you begin pulling a hit you might start smiling, knowing the pure joy that is about to commence. Please do not go to Top Secret DC right now and pick up this bud so that I can hoard it all for myself! That is all. JK. But, no, seriously, this stuff is truly incredible and I hope you all get a chance to check it out. Give them a shout ASAP and you'll be very, very happy you did.

If movies have taught me anything fellow Tokers, it is that you respect the Jungle! So when DC local I-71 compliant provider DMV Organics offered me up their exclusive Jungle Cake strain for review, I approached with considerable caution. A notoriously strong indica dominant hybrid, Jungle Cake is known to boast high levels of THC and low levels of CBD. With THC levels ranging from 22% to a, “why am I wearing my socks over my shoes?” inducing 33%, this jungle is not playing around! Follow me through the Jungle fellow Tokers, and let’s bring some snacks and water cuz c’mon you know we’re gonna need it! Bred by Los Angeles based Seed Junky Genetics, Jungle Cake is the result of cross breeding White Fire #43 (a phenotype of White Fire OG aka WiFi OG) with Wedding Cake (a cross breeding of Cherry Pie and Girl Scout Cookies). Jungle Cake takes its name from its White Fire parent as White Fire itself is cross between Fire OG and White Rhino, and apparently someone was high enough to think Rhinos are jungle dwellers! Jungle Cake’s terpene profile includes Ocimene and Pinene. Ocimene is derived from the ancient Greek word Ocimum meaning basil, though the terpene’s profile is not predominantly herbal. The Ocimene terpene is known for some of the sweet and herbaceous flavors of certain cannabis strains, as well as citrusy and woodsy undertones. Ocimene is a monoterpene and can be found in a wide variety of plants such as tarragon, hops, kumquats, mangoes, basil, bergamot, lavender, orchids, and pepper. In addition to anti-oxidative properties, it is currently being studied for its potential anti-inflammatory benefits. Pinene is one of the most researched terpenes to date. Responsible for the scent of pine and fir trees, Pinene has also been identified as a potent anti-inflammatory and thought to ease the potential short-term memory loss associated with THC usage. This potent yet balanced exotic Cali strain is great for afternoon or evening use. An earthy and nutty nose precedes the sweet sugary flavor with just a hint of marshmallow. Known for its heavy high and long lasting effects, this euphoric strain is great for Tokers looking for some relief and relaxation. Hit up DMV Organics today to get some Jungle Cake for yourself!

Tokers, have you ever wanted to smoke, but found yourself in a setting that wasn’t exactly cannabis-friendly? What are you supposed to do if you want to partake, but you’re concerned about the odor? How would a Ninja stealthily enjoy cannabis without a trace? Local DC i71 compliant provider DMV Organics has just the thing for Ninja Tokers across the land who wish to be discreet! A high-quality organic distillate vaporizer cartridge is just the thing for Tokers who wish to remain safely anonymous. As the cannabis industry was taking its first steps into legitimacy, vaporizer cartridges quickly rose in popularity. Vaporizer Cartridges’ ease of use and highly portable nature seemed to be the trend as markets were flooded with various iterations thereof. As quickly as cartridges rose in popularity, their fall from grace was perhaps even faster as a wave of pulmonary lung injuries was attributed to their use. In truth, vaporizer cartridges weren’t the culprit; shady manufacturers filling cartridges with vitamin E oil were to blame. Knowing now that it is indeed possible to produce vaporizer cartridges that are safe to use, DMV Organics has created a high-quality organic distillate cartridge using a certified lead-free ceramics. So what IS distillate? Some of you lovely Tokers might be unfamiliar with distillate, and that’s okay. The name distillate refers to the purification process that removes and separates the cannabinoids, such as THC. Extensive refinement processes separate THC compounds from cannabis plant matter, resulting in an extremely potent translucent oil that is comprised of almost pure THC. Distillate typically lacks any flavor, taste, or aroma. Tokers, Ninjas, or secret agents who need something odorless, this is for you! DMV Organics has sourced local, organically grown strains designed specifically for their high-quality distillate. Everest and Darkstar strains have been crossed to create an incredibly well-balanced 50/50 hybrid which is thereby used to create their distillate. Available in both full- and half-milliliter cartridges, this distillate has quickly become my method of consumption when I’m on the go during the day and in need of a quick, discreet toke! Not everyone in my life shares my love of cannabis unfortunately, and I love that this cartridge enables me to enjoy myself around friends and family who would be offended by the smell of smoke. I found the distillate cartridge to be incredibly potent and great for a quick pick-me-up. Tokers are invited to use the discount code provided to save a little coin! Let us know in the comments how you enjoyed your distillate experience, we’d love to hear from you! Get $15 off your order with promo code "TokerGuideRef"

Greetings, Tokers! If you’re like me, you could use some serious relief from 2020. Only two more months to go! Yay! Luckily, I was stoked to discover the soothing new CBD line from SxC: Saved by Cannabis, brought to you by our friends at Joint Delivery. This Tallahassee, FL, female-owned cannabis shop founded by Amanda Geritano features the highest quality organic products for every mode, from relaxation to grind to relief to recovery—they’re named this way so it’s super easy to figure out which you need right now. We all love a good lip balm, especially during this weird time of year when the changing seasons can lead to chapped and sore lips. SxC Relief Mode lip balm is the perfect on-the-go staple, featuring vitamin E, cocoa butter, essential oils, and hemp-derived cannabidiol. It’s perfect to keep in your purse or back-pocket for a subtle healing pick-me up throughout your day. Peppermint oil and Eucalyptus gives it a minty fresh taste, lavender oil super charges healing, and cocoa butter helps smooth out those lips. SxC Recovery Mode is a menthol CBD balm, which contains, among other naturally-derived ingredients, aloe vera and arnica, an amazing herb with anti-inflammatory properties. This stuff is amazing. It’s hard to know whether my sore neck and shoulders are from the workout youtube videos I’ve been doing or all the time I’ve spent hunched over my desk trying to stay awake during work Zoom calls—ok let’s face it, it’s probably from doom scrolling on insta. Either way, this morning I woke up and I could barely look to my right side. I had my boyfriend rub some of this soothing balm into my sore muscles, and within five minutes, I could actually turn my head both ways, without wincing in pain. It loosened my muscles right up, without the room-clearing scent of BenGay--just nice, fresh, and minty clean menthol. Keep this one by your bed or in your gym bag for easy access! After you’ve paced yourself throughout the day with Relief Mode lip balm and gotten a nice Recovery Mode foot-rub from your significant other, the icing on the cake is the SxC Chill Mode CBD tincture. It contains organic coconut MCT oil, organic peppermint, CBD, CBN, organically grown hemp-derived Cannabidiol. This is perfect for right before bedtime or a relaxing bubble bath. Chill mode facilitates deep relaxation through pure CBN extract, a cannabinoid known for its sedative powers. The calming, natural peppermint flavor makes this full spectrum tincture a soothing bedtime ritual that won’t leave you foggy in the morning. Drop some under your tongue or mix with something to drink. Start small and work your way up to find the perfect dose for you! The bonus of all of them is that the CBD and CBN add a stress-relieving component that is perfect for keeping you zen all the way through election season and beyond. Check out SxC for yourself over at Joint Delivery today!

Ahh, the winter indoor harvest season season is upon us. Intriguingly, many of the early batches I've seen have been "banana"-oriented in some way. No complaints here. Banana is totally fine by me, especially if it means an insanely fruity, skunky aroma/flavor along with blankets of hyper-white trichomes. Take the below Banana Punch for example. It's a crossbreed of the typically stellar Purple Punch and Banana OG resulting in an evenly balanced (50/50) hybrid that is astounding in both taste and potency. It comes to us from DC weed delivery powerhouse Joint Delivery - more specifically their "JD Flowers" line of exquisite and exotic flower. If it's delectable, eye-popping, bizarrely skunky top-shelf tree that you're after, look no further. I wouldn't necessarily say that there's a strong reason to call this strain "banana." In a blind smell test, you're probably not going to be able to name-that-fruit for this one. When smoked, it hits hard and sweetly delicious with skunky-ness and fruitiness on the exhale. Its buzz will storm your head immediately in a rush that seems to melt over your body dripping down to your toes. She's an absolutely euphoric experience, and a delightfully stoning high. Energy levels remain relatively good, though you may quickly be finding yourself wanting to shirk any serious duties you have in favor of more recreational ones. Perhaps you're looking for the perfect holiday gift for that stoner you know and love? This could be a great one! Because it's a 50/50 hybrid, you don't need to know their preference, and day or night, you'll have it right. Plus, doesn't it already look like the perfect little snow covered tree? Just make sure you wrap it extra super air-tight. Otherwise, the whole fam may be quickly drawn to a particularly stinky package. To add this lovely lady to your collection give Joint Delivery a shout ASAP!

Emergency weekend alert to all you Tokers out there! If you aren't already aware, Top Secret DC has just dropped a bunch of bangin' new strains on their menu. One, from their Top Secret Genetics line, is the below example of Thin Mints and....holy shit you guys! This is one of my faves of the season so far. Why you ask? What makes THIS one so good in comparison to some of the other amazeballs strains on our featured review list? Well, for that, you truly must grab your own... You see, no matter how good the pictures are, or how much I tell you how freaking ridiculously amazing this weed is, the truth is, none of this online, digital representation will do it the justice it deserves. Here and now, with it in my presence, I'm 100% stoked on this tree. It's so utterly frosted with trichomes it would make anything else called "frosties" or "frosted flakes" in a line-up be tossed aside. The exoticness of the bouquet and the delightfulness of the rich, sugary flavor is heavily accented by the starkly contrasting skunk overtones. WHAT? Yeah, it's something to behold and whatever that previous sentence means, you're missing out if you didn't grab this like 10 min ago. You might be able to just follow your nose to this phenomenal GSC, OG Kush, and Durban Poison (runs 50/50) crossbreed 🤩, but instead I recommend just hitting up Top Secret DC ASAP and setting up a delivery. Even if you don't live in the district (I didn't realize many of you don't know this) you can still have it delivered to your parking spot on the side of almost any DC street. No toking around while driving though - especially not with this stunning specimen!

So we thought we'd mix things up a little bit on this gloomy Saturday and, in a nod to MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch of yesteryear, we are going to have a good ol' fashioned throwdown! Except in this case, we're going to pit two amazing batches of fine shrubbery from the always delightful Joint Delivery against each other. What happens to the loser? It immediately gets rolled up and scorched in a joint! Huzzah! First off, I want to be clear about the title. We do not, in any way, shape, or form, condone the killing of anything. Second, technically both of these strains comes from a collaboration between Cookies and Seed Junky Genetics. While the "Cookies" is certainly emphasized on the back of the Collin's avenue packaging, it's nowhere to be found on the "Minntz". So basically this is a battle all within the Cookies' dojo, if you will. Let's learn a bit about our contestants: In the left corner, hailing from California with strong Miami influence, she was born from the mind meld of rappers Rick Ross and Berner (cookies owner) and stands a super dense and robust 50/50 hybrid cross of Kush Mints 11 and GTI. Like the "lights" on the front of her packaging imply, she's basically bright neon freaking green. Like no other Cookies trained batch you've seen before, she's the incredible, formidable, Collins Avenuuuuuuuue! In the right corner, also hailing from California, she's got a deliciously powerful lineage with Peanut Butter Breath and Kush Mints as parents. She may look like a 50/50 hybrid, but she has the sedative power to lay you out, leaving your head floating in delirious delight. Yet the exotic piney/buttery/coffee-like aroma will keep luring you back for more. Like the colors of a frosty outdoor blue spruce evergreen tree after a heavy snow, she's clearly been cultivating her style under the highest of scrutiny. She's the amazing, the magnificent, Peanut Butter Minnnnnnnnnnntz! ...and both of these strains have the capacity to unleash a real wallop. The question in this match may come down not to which one hits harder, but which one outlasts the other. At the outset, it's Peanut Butter Minntz with an early edge. She really came out swinging with a nose that almost completely overtakes the senses. Collins Ave is really stunned here, but never fear, what she lacks in pungency she more than makes up for in her intimidating appearance. BLAMMY! Ohhhh, Collins Ave just took off and pummeled Minntz - just look at all those spectacular, twinkling trichomes on her! With just one hit, she's completely taken the lead here. How can you argue with such an inundating cookie flavor AND stupendous non-drowsy high? With hit after hit, Collins Ave is now taking it to Minntz. You might have thought that her sweet sugary nose couldn't compete with the Minntz's overt aroma, but the Cookies were just way too powerful in effect. There's almost nothing Minntz can do at this point! Folks, the ref is calling this one, it's already ALL OVER! That's right, even though both these strains are powerful opponents, hailing from the same Cookies-focused dojo and even sharing the Kush Mints lineage, the Collins Ave is just too strong and, I must say, much more of what I'm looking for in a Saturday afternoon strain. After all, who wants to get droopy eyes and couch lock when there's football to be psyched about? Peanut Butter Minntz, you are obviously wonderful, and I'm going to really enjoy rolling you up and burning you down later tonight, but the winner of this match is most definitely Cookies' Collins Ave! To pit these two strains (and many, many others) against each other for yourself hit up Joint Delivery today. Stay tuned in the weeks ahead for more Designer Strain "Deathmatches" to come!