A former coworker from my dispensary days used to love to poke fun at Afternoon Delight and thought the name was unseemly. Paging Dr. Freud... Dr. Sigmund Freud... Anyway, after a quick scan of online menus, Rise Bethesda listed Afternoon Delight #4 at a whopping 34%+ THC with some bountiful family effect to boot. Yes please! The friendly budtenders at Rise Bethesda couldn't stop singing this flower's praises all over the shop. They made it clear this skyrocket is indeed in flight and absolutely holds you tight. Forget flight. Try ORBIT on your way to the International Space Station, and with ease and comfort as well - or so I was told. The super tight nugs are sold in a sleek black glass jar with plastic top designed to open with direct pressure from top and bottom to aid those with mobility issues. In an unusual move, the label included information about Afternoon Delight #4's lineage, a highly potent indica-heavy hybrid blended from GMO and Trophy Wife. Despite the lack of an obvious freshness seal, nose-watering vapors reminiscent of gassy fruit loops leapt about the room with bold abundance. Did someone airbrush these things? Nope, they're just that sexy. These buds nestle comfortably between the teeth of my grinder. Little resistance is given as the lid twists. The flower mounds readily for packing and offers optimal airflow during inhalation. Each hit is fine like the felt on a snooker table with a tangy French cheese finish. Immediately, an uplifting groove settles in. With a few more tubes I find myself getting down to Bad. I haven't listened to Michael Jackson since Thriller was all over Casey Kasem's Top 40. Those beats are sick. What a rabbit hole... All kidding aside, Afternoon Delight #4 has a sinfully potent and masterfully balanced buzz. This isn’t merely a Ron Burgundy moment, but this superfreak’s got some Rick James funk going on, too. Afternoon Delight #4 would make a wonderful addition to any routine! To get yours hit up Rise Bethesda today. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

If you take Zkittles and cross it with Gelato #33, then take the resulting offspring and back cross it with Zkittles, you'll get the super duper version of Runtz known as Zruntz. Smoother, creamier, and with all the stoney Gelato feels but none of the couch-lock, you gotta get your hands on some of this epic designer level tree from DC i-71 delivery extraordinaires, Joint Delivery. It's been cured to bring out the best in cannabinoids and for a more refined toke. For me it possessed an astoundingly complex flavor profile, followed by an immediate head rush of euphoric elation. That rush soon rounded out to the rest of my body and the sheer potency made all of my joints and bones feel like they were glowing in delight. Cracking the buds open, or just getting a closer look in general, you can see that the quality of trichomes, maturity of bracts, and all around robustness are all clearly indicative of a nearly immaculate level of cultivation. The effort and technique involved were most clearly of the highest caliber. Besides complexity of aroma and flavor, one should also consider the complexity of the coloration. I think we have close to every color of the rainbow represented, which is comparatively much more elaborate than your ordinary Runtz tends to be. Yes, tokers, Zruntz are a true "level up" and a luxury option - this batch is a shining example of that notion. To get your designer pack of the sure to be famous Zruntz hit up Joint Delivery today. Don't forget to tell them you heard about it on Toker's Guide!

Greetings and Happy New Year to you all! After unplugging a bit and getting some much needed rest and recovery I'm back at it and hitting the scene to find the best weed around DC. The first review of the new year is this incredibly well-tended and perfectly manicured batch of pure Gelato from our friends over at DC i-71 service, Buddha Buddy. If you're a weed connoisseur then you've undoubtedly encountered Gelato before. A nearly 50/50 hybrid (maybe just a hair indica heavy) bred by the Cookies fam, Gelato is a cross of Sunset Sherbet and Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies. The strain, when in top form such as this, is an all around powerhouse ready to get you as giddy and bleary-eye stoned as you want to be - and maybe then some. It's fresh and has a super funky aroma, even more so than your typical Gelato cuts. There are very gassy notes, but it's also somehow creamy with a tinge much like lemon cream. It's one of the more exotic noses, even on a Gelato, that I've come across in a while. The trichome coverage is pretty epic and note their starriness implies freshness and proper packaging. Note that Buddha Buddy's exotics come in nice cylindrical jars with a rubber seal on the lid. I find myself repurposing them all the time as personal stash totes given their durability and ability to hide uber potent aromas, much like this one. To get some of this really nice batch of Gelato for yourself just give Buddha Buddy DC a shout ASAP. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

One of the most delicious strains of the year (imo), this "High Pitch" from DC i-71 storefront House of Herbs is definitely one that you should have in your NYE stash. Its genetics are unknown, but I can surmise that some of the usual suspects are involved - most likely Gelato and Runtz. I'd also say it runs pretty close to 50/50 on the indica/sativa ratio, which makes it a great all around toke whether day or night. Its flavor is absolutely the most astounding part. So creamy and smooth, yet so skunky and hard-hitting at the same time. It literally brought a tear to my eye when I exhaled it (and got done coughing) for the first time. You'll probably want to just keep hitting it and hitting it like I did - better get a big bag! The freshness is notable and quite discernible from the starry glimmer on all of the crystalline structured trichomes inside these buds. You can see the starrier ones from the outside, but the external facing rows are hyper-white, and clustered in a way that could only be described as "chunky". Be aware the aroma is very, very loud - you'll never be able to cover it up - so save this one for cannabis-friendly company and away from the more skeptical members of your family. Otherwise, expect comments like, "Good grief, what on earth could anyone enjoy about something THAT smelly?!?" My Answer: "Everything, but it's only for the most refined palates." 🤓 To get your hands on some of this "High Pitch" just head over to storefront House of Herbs today. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you for your free pre-roll!

One of my favorite treats for this time of year is chocolate covered cherries. Since my youth, I've always associated them with the Holiday Season. This year, I'm adding even more cherry to the mix by including a joint of this Cherry Punch from District Derp post dessert. How's that working out you might ask? Let's just say I'm considering adding it to the list of holiday traditions from now on. Yes, sure to be rolled up into several joints for my NYE celebration alone, this fantastic flavor phenom is fresh, super funky with a sour fruit forward aroma and flavor, and will absolutely light up even the most seasoned tokers. Be careful partaking in this one on a night where you don't need some sativa in your step, though. That's right, this crossbreed of perennial powerhouse sativa Cherry AK-47 and sweet new school potency queen Purple Punch happens to run slightly sativa. Some may try to claim 50/50 in other online descriptions, but take my word for it, it's a sativa stunner. So with 3x the "Derp Reward Points" available (for today only) and 10% off with promo code "DERPTOKERSGUIDE", hit up DC i-71 pup art purveyors District Derp ASAP to get some of this absolutely awesome Cherry Punch today! Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you.

Although this strain’s superstar namesake isn’t a toker himself, these buds are superstars in this toker’s eyes 🤩. As soon as I opened the sleek gLeaf container that I purchased from Beyond/Hello I knew I was going to love this strain. I like seeing the larger dense buds, which I haven’t been able to find too much of yet in NOVA. Right away I got the scent of a freshly peeled clementine with notes of fresh herbs. I attribute that to the fact its dominante terpene is Terpinolene (.72%), which is rare because even though Terpinolene is found in many strains, it is not often the star terpene like it is in this Magic Johnson Sativa. Terpinolene is likely the backbone of this strain's complex bouquet and uplifting effects and can also be found in great classic strains like Jack Herer. The smoke is nice and cool, dare I even say menthol like. It was light but still had a nice body to it. It tasted like a mix between cantaloupe and honeydew melon, with a slight hint of lemongrass on the exhale. It’s a fast acting strain and tests at 22.07% THC. Start with only a few hits per session as too much of this strain for new users can cause mild anxiety. In small doses I found it very useful for critical thinking. Too much of it can send you down the rabbit hole deep in thought, but just the right amount is great for those with ADD/ADHD to calm and focus your thoughts. With the added bonus of a “no cough” smoke, Magic Johnshon has made its way to my favorites lists. Its effects were much similar to those of Green Crack, but without the crazy munchies I always associate with that strain. Bottom Line is Magic Johnson grown by gLeaf Looks Great ✔ Smells Great ✔✔ Smokes Great ✔✔✔ My fellow NOVA patients, I would also like to let you all know we have an additional option for delivery in our area. GLeaf not only delivers to the RVA area, but to areas of NOVA as well. You can go to one of their Richmond locations and set up a consultation to get started right away or schedule an online consultation for January to take advantage of gLeaf’s new mix and match bulk deals (see below) and let them know you heard about it on Toker’s Guide. Still waiting on your VA MMJ Cad? Make sure to like this review and follow me to get updates for my next review on CBD Seltzer. Happy Toking!

Yet another round of local indoor just came on the gift menu over at DC i-71 delivery pros Farm To Couch. Both the Sunset Sherbert and Apple Fritter are looking particularly delectable. Let's go in for a closer look... Just as suspected, there's a sled load of trichomes on every nook and cranny of this Sunset Sherbert. So much so it looks to be oozing off the bottom of some buds. Ooze is also a word you could use to characterize the aroma it puts off. Somehow its smell will Ooze itself into every room of your house if you're not careful. An indica-dominant cross of Girls Scout Cookies and Pink Panties that we've encountered numerous times before, this batch is certainly one of the most potent we've come across in a while. The notion that it's locally grown also means you're getting a fresher, less travelled version of this spectacular cultivar as well. The Apple Fritter specimen was similarly of a high caliber and it's always a great strain to have in your line-up given the sativa influence from its diesel lineage. It's a wonderful daytime toke and one that very often tests to be among the most potent strains in the world. Note that Apple Fritter also has some award winning aroma and flavor. This batch is prototypical of the cultivar and fulfills the aroma requirement several times over. It's nearly like roasted coffee it's so heavily skunky, earthy, and gassy. The hint of spiced fruit will be the curveball in your exhale, though. To make for a great daytime/nighttime lineup, roll up the Apple Fritter when it's light, and the Sunset Sherbert at night. This shouldn't be too hard to remember if you think about the Sunset part of the name, right? Part of me also thinks of apple fritters as a breakfast food as well, so maybe you can "bake" that into your regimen. 😂 🤦‍♂️ To get your hands on some of this delectable and highly potent local-grown fire hit up Farm To Couch and place your order today. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

Citral Flo, the love child of Sour Flo and Citral Skunk, is an evenly balanced hybrid that can be off-putting at first, with a flavor that's deeply cheesy. However, as it burns one will find tart, citrus notes melding in. This particular batch comes from Curio Wellness medical dispensary in Maryland, and has intense terpenes that make it the perfect strain for someone with an elevated palette, who can appreciate the nuances. The buds are soft and billowing, flower-shaped and covered in thick crystalline trichomes with red hairs that sprawl out like someone wearing just a little too much mascara, crisscrossing and crunching their way outward. This strain comes in at a high 24% THC level, and smoking it gives one the kind of rejuvenation that can only be comparable to sunshine. You can feel your skin wake up again, your taste buds and nostrils reaching for more. If listening to music or completing a menial task, you’ll find yourself completely entranced by it, almost in a meditative state. This strain is a mindfulness course unto itself. Thankfully, you won’t be stuck on the couch all night. After the second wave, you’ll find yourself left with ample energy and focus, and a touch of lingering euphoria. The Arnold Palmer of hybrids if you will: a perfect half and half.

Check out this new batch of Sweet Tartz from DC i-71 delivery service, District Firehouse. It runs nearly 50/50 - or perhaps just slightly indica - and it has a massive berry forward aroma and flavor. A cross of Purple Thai, Alaskan Thunder F*ck, and Afghani, it packs a tremendously potent ability to evoke a sense of calm and imbue utter euphoria. It even smells calming to me frankly, which is the opposite effect that the eponymous candy might have. Another difference would be the lack of tartness. Everything about this batch is sweet and berrylicious! Gifted in jars, you can count on District Firehouse to ensure the freshness of their flower and that its smell and caliber will remain intact. In this case, cracking the jar (and breaking the tamper-proof seal) led to a whoosh of fruity ganja I just couldn't pull my nose away from. Whether you throw it in a paper, bong, bowl, or vape, expect this one's immensely fruity stance to take your taste buds for a wildly enjoyable ride. But, to find some to fill your stalking hit up District Firehouse ASAP. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you for $10 off your first order!

Good morning tokers! For many of you this is probably a vacation week as you look to travel to family or get ready for holiday festivities. Though one might think vacation was originally planned around rest, rejuvenation, and recuperation, many now find it to be synonymous with stressful. But, have no fear! Toker's Guide is here and we've got a doozy of a specimen to help cross the anxiety off your list of holiday grievances this year. One of the most relaxing and cheery daytime experiences from a Kush varietal that I can recall in recent memory, this phenomenal Huckleberry Kush is currently available from DC spa-like i-71 store and wellness gurus, Euphoria DC. A cross of indica Afghani and the nearly 50/50 hybrid Huckleberry, we love this varietal for its succulently fruity aroma and immense potency, but most notable is the smoothness of its toke. You absolutely have to roll this up in a raw or virgin paper to experience it the way it was meant to be. The buzz is one of enchantment and wonder. You might find yourself day dreaming frequently and pondering topics of extraordinary fascination, only for them to slip away as the next train of thought overtakes. The euphoric body buzz is a given with afghani in the lineage, but the escape-from-reality head trip was somewhat unexpected, especially at that level of intensity. So, why fret through the holidays when you can glide through them with a smirk on your face? Maybe, at the level of comfort afforded by this batch, you could even just rock a bathrobe or pajamas the whole time and see if anyone says anything? 😂 To find out head over to Euphoria DC today and grab some Huckleberry Kush for yourself. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

Sample: Gelato Cake Cultivator: District Cannabis Terpenes: Limonene 1.33%, Linalool 0.47%, Caryophyllene 0.44%, Alpha Pinene 0.23% Dispensary: Liberty Cannabis Rockville (https://libertycannabis.com/) Let’s not kid ourselves. The first thing that jumped right out of the online menu and shouted ‘try me, I’m amazing’ was the 32.6% THC. *** NERD ALERT *** Admittedly, I was hesitant about this strain due to the lower levels of myrcene, the great brain and THC conduit. The 0.23% pinene suggests sativa characteristics possibly explaining myrcene levels. ***END NERD ALERT*** Sure, I had to sift through a few other options in the plus 30% range and go outside my comfort zone to land on Gelato Cake by District Cannabis, but this was an itch in need of a good scratch. (Note: the bags above are from a prior batch that tested at 27%. This bag was left more photogenic as, apparently, I was just too excited and tore into the new bag) District Cannabis flower comes in your standard resealable plastic pouch which is great for light and air protection assuming the pouch is truly sealed, but be careful you don’t squish your buds! A sweet citrus funk noseblinded me upon opening the pouch. Woo-wee, those are some super dense nugs able to break windows or keep cars from rolling away. The cure was slightly dry, but maybe it’s the end of this batch. No matter, there’s a number of ways to rehydrate buds, and the quality was right. Try breaking these buds before grinding them due to density. Gelato Cake tastes like it smells, devilishly citrus and slightly gassy. After a few tubes I found myself questioning this decision. Luckily, this bud is creepy. Before long I was filled with relaxation, wonderment, and introspection. Couch lock felt like it was right around the corner, but that pinene simply kept everything moving. You know you’re roasted, but being a functional human should be a real option. Gelato Cake is a great option for all day. It hits hard, but doesn’t insist on naptime. What other deliciousness does District Cannabis have? Check 'em out here or head to Liberty Cannabis Rockville.

With the winter months barreling down on us it only gets colder from here, folks. Get ready to drink cider, hot chocolate, and exchange that iced latte for a piping hot cuppa. For me, with all the body warming drinks in the world, I still can't help thinking about, and looking forward to, warmer times...summer times to be exact. Maybe there's a way to take a quick mental vacation, or trick my mind in to thinking I'm sailing away to the tropics somewhere? This was the moment I remembered the delightful new gifts I had from splendid DC i-71 infused beverage service, Stoneade. What better way to refresh my frozen taste buds than to hit these fruity subtropical-themed lemonades? If you can't spend Christmas in the tropics, at least you can pretend, right? I've sampled many, many bottles from their classic menu such as guava, black cherry, and raspberry lemonade. This time, however, they sent over some of their ✨specialty drinks✨ by the names of Miami Breeze & Stoney Sunrise. These add a summertime twist to the holiday season for sure and pack the same heady punch as the classic versions. The Miami Breeze is their traditional lemonade with the addition of fresh pineapple juice and Blue Curacao. The Stoney Sunrise, on the other hand, is the stoner's version of the famous Baja drink, Tequila Sunrise. It features fresh-squeezed OJ topped with sweet cherry grenadine. Instead of alcohol, though, these cocktails put you into that more tropical state of mind with 300mg THC per drink. When can they start having boat drinks like these on cruises? With a wide variety of lemonade-style infused specialty drinks, made with fresh-squeezed natural fruit juices, just about any of their drinks will take you on a fantastic voyage replete with the mellowest of vibes. For me, all I had to do was close my eyes, sip my Miami Breeze, and drift off to some Bob Marley for my little Stoneade "staycation" to be in full effect. With customer service as delightful as their drinks, hit up Stoneade today and don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you to get your free party pack!