"If you take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up and believe whatever you want. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes." - Morpheus, The Matrix. Many of you will undoubtedly recognize the quote above from The Matrix movie. I'm not going to say that smoking this Red Pill from DC recreational delivery service Exotic Organics will send you into another dimension, one where you realize that you've been living in a simulation all along, but the experience is not far from it. 🦹🏻‍♂️ With great secrecy surrounding the strain and a claimed 35%+ THC level, we were super psyched to give it a try and can confirm its potency is no joke. We'd guess that there's a great deal of Gelato in the lineage, but there's consensus that it leans more sativa than balanced. Could it be that this is something like Red Dragon (a highly potent sativa-dominant hybrid) crossed with a Gelato pheno? From appearances and effects it certain seems logical. In flavor and aroma the same assumption works. There's the familiar Gelato creamy tanginess, but also a more overt layer of savory skunkiness that those familiar with Red Dragon would recognize. This amalgamation of flavors from different heady universes certainly makes for great joint toking sessions and a highly exotic and sophisticated flavor suitable for any connoisseur's palate. So if you're looking for a mega powerful, hard hitting, and deliciously flavorful cannabis experience this weekend, opt to take the Red Pill and setup your delivery with Exotic Organics today. It probably won't help you see the matrix or bend spoons with your mind, but it'll give you an active high so strong you might feel like you can defeat Agent Smith himself. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

Good Morning and Happy Friday everyone! Between the Grease Monkey earlier this week and this Exorcist Gelato there's now a battle for olfactory domination of my office. Depending on which one I've rolled up more recently the aroma could skew either savory gasoline fumes or sugary skunk extract. This review is dedicated to the latter of those two metaphorical smells, which emanates from this Exorcist Gelato brought to us by consistently impressive DC recreational delivery service, The Gift Givers. You might even say it's...scary good. 🧟‍♂️ A cross of Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies and Sunset Sherbert, Gelato has become a fan favorite in the past 3 to 5 years with it gradually becoming more and more prevalent in the East Coast scene. It typically runs balanced somewhere near a 50/50 hybrid making it a great all around strain to have at your disposal day or night. We're not sure what makes this one the "Exorcist" phenotype, but there's a definite variation in the flavor which is more sugary and bready than creamy and tangy like a Gelato #33 would be. The effects, however, are very much similar to a #33 (aka Larry Bird) and you'll undoubtedly find yourself wanting to roll this up nearly any time of day. Whether rolling it or hitting it in the bong, the mesmerizing full body high is tremendously euphoric, yet affords energy and focus levels that won't make it a hinderance to most daytime plans. We're not sure if it has the capability of exorcising any demons or not, but if there's any strain potent enough to do it, it's this one. No need to climb those frightening Georgetown "Exorcist Stairs" (from the movie) to get your hands on this batch. Just hit up The Gift Givers and schedule your delivery today. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

If you haven't had a chance to try a Cannahiba Cannon from DC recreational storefront Elevated Lounge yet you need to. Not only are they a seriously smooth and flavorful toke, but they can get you and three friends completely squinty for hours from one session. What makes these Cannons so splendid? In this review we'll dive into an awesome sativa strain they're using in a Cannon currently, as well as three other amazing flavors you can select from, to show you. A sativa-dominant hybrid creation that's actually a tropical fruit forward Gelato phenotype, this Guava runs about 80/20 on the sativa/indica spectrum. Not just fruity, there are a plethora of other flavors and aromas that seem to blend together with this batch. Some might call it "super exotic" or the "za-za", and they would be correct - this bud is highly unique with a funky, delicious flavor that's more like the whole fruit farm (and add a skunk) than just the guava. Looking at the starry, fresh trichomes lets me know that this is fresh bud that was harvested relatively recently. Also notable is the immense density it possesses along with the beautiful coloration. There are hues of aquamarine and flecks of deep blues and purples, all interspersed with fiery red hairs. On the inside it's like a geode with a massive amount of twinkly trichs that haven't even remotely begun to turn white. That same bud above is what is de-stemmed and ground to make the gorgeous creation you see below known as a Cannahiba Cannagar. It's not shake from the bottom of a bag. It's not the stuff that they couldn't get rid of a month ago that they just rolled up. It's fresh, amazing, heady, bud....and that's frankly why they're so phenomenal. In the image below you can even verify my previous statement by noting the fresh, bright green and noticeable trichomes that are visible in the guts I partially dissected from one of the cannons. Currently available in Hawaiian Runtz (sativa-dom), Do-si-Dos (indica-dom), London Pound Mintz (indica-dom), and Guava (sativa-dom), I can confirm that all are spectacular and worth a try. Just be sure that if you try one and put it out, and then try another and put it out, that you put them back in their properly labelled containers afterwards. Otherwise, you might be a little surprised when it's 930pm and you think you're lighting a Do-si-Do cannon, but it turns out to be Guava. 🤭 So what are you waiting for? Head to Elevated Lounge ASAP and grab some of these phenomenal Cannons along with their other great gifts (flower, live resin carts, etc.) that catch your fancy. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

🚨Gas Alert!⛽️ I wasn't going to do anymore reviews today, but then this batch of Grease Monkey came across my desk and I had to let everyone know about it. Currently available from renowned DC recreational delivery service Heady Club DC, if you couldn't tell already my take on it is the following: It's. Just. Awesome. 🤩 With a super gassy, mega skunky, and totally powerful aroma that you can probably smell a literal mile away, the nose is spectacular on this specimen. It's so strong the sample came to me vacuum sealed, which I think should be considered a best practice from now on. As soon as I cut it open I had to run to all my windows, throw them open, and start wafting it outside yelling, "Wait 'til you get a load of this one," to all my neighbors. Of course, they subsequently started lining up for bong rips at my door (not really, but you get the point). Bong rips are certainly the way to go here, by the way, as it's still quite fresh and the trichomes are so heavy the joint is just gonna go out on you. But, don't get me wrong, the texture of it is crisp and fluffy, not squishy and sticky or wet. If I had to guess I'd say this was grown in coco coir - one of the most advanced and highest quality medias to work with. The texture, the insane amount and size of the trichomes, and the astounding aroma all tell me this was cultivated by consummate professionals. A cross of Gorilla Glue #4 and Cookies & Cream that runs slightly indica dominant at 70/30, this Grease Monkey has tremendously stoney and euphoric effects that are long lasting, but don't cause too much drowsiness. To grab some for yourself and enjoy this absolutely amazing batch just hit up Heady Club DC today. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

As a big fan of recreational delivery service District Derp's Whole Flower cartridges I was psyched to hear that they got some new flavors in and even more psyched that one of them was Gorilla Glue. There's just something awesome about that particular strain in a concentrate or cart form that I really enjoy. I think it might be the slightly skunky flavor followed by an immense body buzz, but one absent of any drowsiness. As it says on the label, this hybrid is definitely a "delight". Regarding the Blue Haze cart, I felt a perk of energy with the first puff which made me think that, despite the indica label, I would be feeling some sativa energy. The Blue Haze flower itself actually runs slightly sativa dominant and I'm typically a huge proponent of Haze varietals. In this case, however, the initial pick-me-up faded fast and I began melting into a more sedated state of euphoric tranquility. Again, referring to the label, this one was spot on with its "unwind" description. I ended up unwinding all the way until the next morning when I awoke from a great night's sleep. I will say I had some, shall we say, hazy dreams though (not making sense and nebulous). With super high THC levels and reintroduced plant specific terpenes its not hard to see why these are some of the most popular carts in the District right now. They hit smooth and clean and without any sort of overtly sweet artificial flavor - this is a huge turn off for me in a cart. Conversely, their flavor is much more in-line with what you would find when vaping the specific strain as plant matter in a flower vape. Suffice it to say, these are some delectable carts. To get your hands on some of these Whole Flower carts from District Derp just hit them up and schedule your gift delivery ASAP. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

A cross of Grand Daddy Purple and Durban Poison this batch of Cherry Pie from DC recreational storefront, Euphoria DC, leans indica dominant at about a 60/40 ratio. While it's great for nighttime use there are those who have been known to partake in its highly relaxing effects to help with anxiety during the daytime as well. Either way, day or night, the super fruity flavor profile will keep you wanting to toke more and more. While the aroma is certainly fruit forward, it's a bit hard to place at first. If you leave your nose about an inch above the bag and inhale for a few seconds the cherry notes become quite clear. In the bong, the same general fruitiness occurs, but when rolled the nuances of the flavor seem to be more enhanced and there are tart, sweet, and sugary aspects as well. With starry trichomes still intact and a coloration that is mostly a bright turquoise green with flecks of purple, these buds are quite pretty and appear to have been hand-trimmed. Give them a squeeze or break them down to raise the level of fruity aroma and have it overtake your immediate vicinity. When doing so, and then sparking up, you might notice that you feel just a bit more beachy or tropical - that's certainly the vibe this batch brings to me. I haven't had a chance to have a Cherry Pie session and then sit poolside, but I have a feeling it'll make for a great experience. Maybe we should even start a new summertime category: Pool Weed - pot that's great for lounging at the pool. Would that need to be different than Beach Weed though? 🤔 To experience this deliciously fruity Cherry Pie for yourself just head on over to DC storefront Euphoria DC asap. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

A long time sativa favorite of mine, Sour Diesel used to be one of the most popular strains in the country in the late 90's and early 2000's. With its sour, skunky, almost coffee ground-like aroma and hard hitting heady high, it's not hard to see why it was so sought after. Fast forward to today and you don't see "Sour D" floating around as much, but it can still hold its own with some of the modern strains out there. Take this batch from perennial all-star DC recreational delivery crew, Local'd, for example. It's local grown - as with everything that Local'd gifts and purveys - given its freshness and the gorgeous, glowing neon green coloration says to me, "hey buddy, remember me? I've gotta steamroller of a high waiting for you today." By "steamroller" my mind's eye is envisioning the eventuality of the powerful, emboldening sativa effects. These can not only motivate me to work or workout happily for hours on end, but also afford me the creative mindset to make moves and pathways on projects I might not have otherwise. Think of the steamroller, flattening anything you put in it's way, this is the way it makes me too - like I can flatten anything on my to do list - and without any semblance of my usual anxiety or gut pain. After all, real life steamrollers are powered by diesel too. Are they not? The lineage of Sour Diesel is a mystery, but the one I've heard most often is that it's a cross of Mexican Sativa and a Chemdawg phenotype. This makes a lot of sense to me given the aromatic similarities to Chemdawg and the driving energy levels present in landrace sativas. There's also a farm out west that I've visited where they focus almost entirely on Sour Diesels, of which they have numerous varieties and fruit forward crossbreeds (think Strawberry Diesel). Intriguingly, the only other varietal with any prevalence on the property is Chemdawg. 🤔 This batch certainly has all the hallmarks of a great Sour Diesel harvest and I'm proud to see her popping up in local grower's circles here in Washington, DC. To grab some for your own stash just hit up Local'd and schedule your delivery today. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

A slightly sativa dominant hybrid cross of Lemon and Cookies and Cream strains, this Lemon Cream from DC recreational storefront, Top Level DC is capable of inspiring an energetic headspace blended with calming effects. It's a buzz where creativity comes more easily and you're able to fight off your ailments while maintaining a level of focus not often afforded to other more indica-heavy options. The nose, as you might have bet, is full of lemons and tangy, skunky notes. When you first open the jar it's the kind of aroma that'll make you pull back a little given the sheer intensity of it all. You'll definitely want to roll this one up to get the funky flavor it's known for, though. Each toke can sway somewhere between sour skunk and creamy chem, making for a veritable tour of the olfactory and gustatory senses. Though the status of this specimen is a little more on the cured side versus the fresh side, the caliber is evident in the coloration and, especially, the trichome levels. It's obvious this was grown by expert cultivators using superb genetics. So if you're looking for something with some, but not too much, sativa influence and a lot of funky lemon skunkiness just head on over to storefront Top Level DC asap. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

Happy Friday! If you were looking at the photos of these buds without any context of time or season, you might be inclined to think that it was winter wherever they were taken. I say this not just because of how crazy frosted these Bubblegum Sorbet buds are from DC recreational (i-71) delivery service Flower Ave, but also because it's usually winter when we see indoor buds of this caliber and magnitude. ❄️ Magnitude being a key word here - it has to be said that these buds (or colas as the case may be) are huge. Thanks for hooking it up! If you're not familiar with Flower Ave these people are dialing up the pressure on the i-71 market given some of the samples we have from them - total exotic fire! This super funky batch of Bubblegum Sorbet is just the first in the line-up too. Believed to be a phenotype of Sunset Sherbert, but with mostly mysterious genetics, Sorbet is an indica dominant hybrid that is known for its creamy, fruit forward aroma and flavor. Bubblegum is a legend of a strain that's been blowing minds with its super mellow indica-dominant effects since 1993. Put the two together and you get this mega euphoric and trich'd out new school meets old school creation that has clearly captured the best of all the qualities available from its lineage. If you're looking for a mesmerizing indica of the highest order to fill your coffers look no further than this Bubblegum Sorbet from Flower Ave. When you place your order, don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

After not really hearing of this cultivar I've now encountered it twice in a month. This is a different batch entirely, but similarly some very good smoke. It's called Primates and this version is currently available from DC recreational (i-71) delivery service, Royale Dankness. So if you were going bananas over not getting enough Primates last time, here's another batch I've been...monkeying around with.🐵 There's not a lot of info to go on for this strain when it comes to genetic inputs, but, similar to our last Primates review, we feel this is probably a Gorilla Glue #4 (GG#4) and Grape Ape cross. The aroma is much like a Glue strain hybrid and there are sugary sweet notes as well, but there are less fruity vibes than the last batch in a side by side comparison (I still have a little left). Consensus across the Toker Team was that we still like it best rolled up in a "j". The structure of the buds also seems slightly different - a testament to their differing cultivation techniques. The prior was slightly more fluffy, while this batch is more dense. Additionally, there seem to be more purplish hues in this round whereas the last was mostly neon green. Notably, the trichome coverage, which is quite staggering, is basically the same between the two sample specimens. In either case, we are big fans. Best reserved for evening use given the immensely euphoric and sedating body high, just hit up Royale Dankness and place your delivery order ASAP to get your hands on some of this powerful batch of Primates. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

This super duper exotic Double Baccio from DC recreational (i-71) delivery royalty, Royale Dankness, is a cross of the very rare Frosty Fuego (Gelato 41 x Chem Fuego) and Gelato 41. Technically called Double Baccio Gelato, you have some epic levels of trichomes expressing themselves in these bountiful buds. Also completely overt in it's presence is the gelato-esque creamy, skunky, and slightly citrusy bouquet this specimen possesses. The consensus was to roll this one up and burn it in a fat cone - there was no shortage of compliments on the flavor (nor coughs) when this happened. At 60/40 on the indica/sativa ratio the energy levels were nearly balanced, but with a heightened level of euphoria typically present in more heavy indicas. You can relax, get things done, maintain your buzz, and still have a presence of mind without couch lock. Probably one that's fantastic for relaxing at the beach (I'm still trying to get there this summer) I think this is one that increases many of the senses while quelling stress levels entirely. To double your delightment and double your fun (hopefully people will recall this phrase from the 90's chewing gum commercial) with this Double Baccio, just hit up Royale Dankness ASAP. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!

With a mega delicious sweet, sugary, and slightly fruity flavor along with some awesomely potent effects, you need to check out these Smarties from DC recreational (i-71) delivery service, Cannabear. I'm not sure if it will make you smarter or not, but it can definitely help with getting a good night's sleep. Don't they say that getting good rest is a pathway to higher intellect? 🤔 A three way cross of Blue City, Diesel, and Girl Scout Cookies, she runs just slightly indica dominant and around 60/40. It's surprising just how much Diesel there is in the mix given the lack of any sativa drive. Yet, I quickly forget that Diesel's aroma and flavor lend themselves well to fruitier combos - think Raspberry Diesel, Strawberry Diesel, etc. Presumably, Blue City is referencing the Blue City Diesel in the sources I have on hand. Of course, that's a cross of Blueberry and NYC Diesel. Let's just say there are a lot of heavy hitters involved and they all mix to make one phenomenal flavor. Personally, I think this is great rolling weed. By that, I mean that it breaks up really nice, it's not too sticky - though it is fresh and probably locally grown - and it smokes really smooth when rolled up in a paper (preferably organic). Additionally, the fruity, sugary aspects of the flavor come out perfectly in a joint of this in particular. So perfectly, in fact, maybe they should consider serving pre-rolls of this in the clear wrappers like the Smarties candy. You know, for style points. To get your hands on some of these sweet, sweet Smarties just hit up Cannabear DC and place your delivery order ASAP. Don't forget to tell them Toker's Guide sent you!